internal struggle

am i enabling myself

to hurt myself

if i have a first aid kit

compiled and available?

there are band-aids and bandages

and of course i have razor blades

to inflict the wounds

that will need to be 

attended to

(those are not

a part of the first aid kit)

doesn't that sound insane?

just a little bit?

or maybe a lot?

have i grown

completely desensitized

enough to one day

go over the line

with no way back?

---

what do

other people do

with their time

and mental space

if they don't have to

constantly say no

to the urge

to cut themselves?

i would like to experience

one day like that

until then

there's my everyday

internal struggle:

to cut or not to cut?

(and if so, how deep?)