This is my high week

Every so often I get an energy boost. I feel less tired, my mind is clearer, I can think better and I get passionately frustrated when I don't understand something or I can't think of the right way to do it.

When I get stuck, I get angry, but not in the hopeless fuck-it-I-would-rather-die-than-deal-with-this-shit kind of way. When I have energy, I want to demand explanations, I want to comprehend why things are they way they are and I want to better my understanding about what and how I'm supposed to do. Basically, I want to get better intellectually because I guess that I think it might prevent me from becoming a slob of bad mood when it all comes full circle again. Whatever I do and however much I try to stay above water, nothing ever prevents me from feeling like giving up once again when the high is over. But one can try, right? Life is a never ending battle for survival. Even if that survival only consists of getting out of bed in the morning.

Anyway, it seems that this is my high on energy week, so I just might make the best of it. Even though today marks a year from the suicide of that 27-year old actress, whom I admired and loved. Take care, people. And love each other.

Džejn.