Just gone

It doesn't feel real. Even after two months, you being gone still doesn't feel real.

I can still see you on the stage, I can imagine you standing there instead of someone else. I can hear your voice clearly, I can see your hair, your eyes, your smile, your half naked body. Many people saw you exactly at the moments I have. And God, so many people haven't seen you at all. But you were talented, so fucking talented. I was looking forward to seeing you grow. I was looking forward to seeing you in so many more plays and movies.

I took you for granted as much as the others did. I couldn't see your struggles, but maybe if I wanted a little more, I could have imagined them. I keep thinking that I could have done something, wrote something, said something that would have changed your decision... But that's just my mind overthinking because the truth is, even though your performances touched my soul, my existence never touched yours. I was one of a million who liked what you did, who wanted you to do more, who inevitably pushed you into the abyss, into your own little hell.

I'm sorry, I didn't do more for you and I'm sorry you felt that you had to go so soon.

Džejn.